


Scars

by deaddoh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Military, Blood and Injury, Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, M/M, Operation Ocean Shield, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Spoilers, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaddoh/pseuds/deaddoh
Summary: Alumni get-togethers are fun! Mostly... Except when you don't know what one of your friends has been doing for the past three years.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 13
Kudos: 117
Collections: Finished fics vluv99





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> be aware that the rating is what it is now, and please be aware that the tags will change.

_“Excited for the alumni game?”_ Hinata’s voice is a little muffled when it comes through the receiver and it makes Kageyama smile, but he won’t be telling Hinata that.

“Yeah,” the setter manages without letting his smile through.

_“Me too! I can’t wait to see everyone again! Did you hear that Yamaguchi moved in with Tsukishima?”_

“No, are they going to the same college?”

 _“Don’t know. But I’m still excited!”_ Someone shouts something on the other end of the line and it makes Hinata groan. _“Sorry, Bake-yama I gotta go! I’ll see you in two days!”_

“You look excited.”

Kageyama looks up from an email and gives Ushijima a confused look. The other is looming above the setter, the lighting is completely blocked out by Ushijima’s figure and it makes Kageyama feel like he’s in some sort of interrogation.

“Well, you’re smiling at your phone.” Ushijima reasons, suddenly looking nervous and glancing away.

 _Ah._ Kageyama shrugs, going for nonchalant. “Well, Karasuno is having an alumni game. I guess I’m excited to head home.”

The opposite hitter nods and moves away, letting the light behind him finally have space to go.

It hits Kageyama like a volleyball to the face, fast and painful. He looks at the old gym with some sort of reverence, like it’s some temple. And maybe it was. The sun is shining and the sky is clear, there’s a slight breeze and it all makes the setter smile.

“Kageyama!” 

Nishinoya is barreling towards him and tackles him in a kind of hug, but it’s more like Nishinoya is clinging onto Kageyama. The other is spouting nonsense about him making it to the big leagues and playing alongside Ushijima. He sounds proud but Kageyama can’t tell.

“My protege!” Suga smiles and has to pry Nishinoya off of Kageyama. The silver-haired man slaps the settler hard on the back and grins.

“Hey, Kageyama.” Tsukishima says looking somewhat disinterested. The setter nods back and is promptly blinded by Yamaguchi’s smile.

“Don’t mind this grump!” Yamaguchi cuts in, “He’s excited, but just doesn’t know how to show it.”

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“How are things Kageyama?” Daichi asks, coming out of nowhere. The group is stretching and waiting for Ukai and Takeda. If seeing the outside of the gym gives Kageyama a ball to the face, then seeing the interior of the gym gives him whiplash. It looks the same from all those years ago.

“They’re good. Being on a team is… nice.” The settler looks away and it makes Daichi smile.

“You’re goin’ soft.”

Kageyama’s face reddens, “But that’s not a bad thing.”

That makes Daichi’s eyebrows practically meld into his hairline and the officer pats the other’s back, “No, not at all.”

“Look how tall everyone is!” Takeda is bawling and Ukai is having a hard time consoling the other coach. The group is clustered like they would’ve been for a practice or a game, formed in a semi-circle around their coaches, waiting for advice or words of encouragement.

“Yeah. Y’all have grown up.” He pats Takeda’s back and turns to the players. “So, we’re gonna shuffle the group, keep things interesting.” 

“Sorry I’m late!”

Heads turn to see Hinata standing at the gym doors huffing and leaning on the door frame. He looks ethereal, the afternoon sun shines through Hinata’s fiery hair and it looks like a halo.

“It’s alright, just get in here.”

Hinata walks in and everyone has a moment of surprise. Hinata is covered in scars. They race around his arms and down his legs and criss-cross on his face. One flys straight down his face from his hairline to jaw. Everyone is silent. It’s definitely awkward and it makes Hinata shuffle his feet over to the semi-circle.

Ukai clears his throat, but it doesn’t clear the atmosphere. “Anyways, count off one and two. One’s on the right and two’s on the left.”


	2. Pills

Kageyama grins, it feels good to be setting for his old teammates, like coming home. He still remembers what their height and distance preferences are and it feels good to be in time. He’s aware of each spiker and their distance from him, it makes him feel light. Kageyama sees Hinata coming in from the left and tosses, seeing the other already there in time for their old quick.

The gym is silent and Hinata lands with a huff, grinning too. He’s wearing some sort of necklace, the charms clinking together almost like a bell. The chain shifts with Hinata’s motions making the charms  _ tink  _ with each other. Hinata runs up to Kageyama and suddenly Kageyama feels like he’s looking into the sun.

“That was so cool! I can’t believe we did our old quick!” Hinata’s face is shiny with sweat and it hits Kageyama again. This is the look Hinata gave him when they pulled their quick in Nationals. This… grinning happy look that radiates pride and accomplishment. 

_ Dog tags.  _ The charms are  _ dog tags _ . The chain shifts and the  _ dog tags  _ click against each other. The realization makes Kageyama’s head spin. He can tell he’s not the only one who’s noticed the fuckin’  _ dog tags.  _ Suga is talking with Daichi, but he keeps glancing over with his eyebrows pinched slightly. Tanaka looks a little lost too, and Yamaguchi keeps glancing down at them while he’s talking to Hinata.

The setter tries to refocus, taking a deep breath and exhaling before making his way over to get some water. He passes Hinata and keeps his face neutral, he doesn’t look at the dog tags and instead notices that Hinata has _earrings._ They’re small silver hoops and truthfully, aren’t that noticeable.

Kageyama sips at his water and sighs, wondering what the hell Hinata has been doing these past three years. He puts the water bottle back onto the bench and returns to the game, ready for the next set.

By the time everyone is tired the sun has just begun to set. The sky is a red that can rival Hinata’s hair. Everyone is clearing out with promises of meeting tomorrow and contact information on their lips. Hinata is standing by Kageyama’s side waving to Yamaguchi as he and Tuskishima take their leave. 

“Ready to head back?”

Kageyama has to stop himself from staring, so he nods. “Yeah.”

The two begin walking back to Hinata’s apartment and Hinata sighs, sounding so heavy and tired. “I know people saw my dog tags.” The boy clutches the chain on his neck.

“Yeah.”

“And I saw how people reacted to… my face.”

“Yeah.”

“I just don’t want that! I don’t want you guys to see me differently!” Hinata sounds so frustrated and it pulls on Kageyama’s soft heart. It always had, even back in high school. He can’t bring himself to look at Hinata so instead, he looks out to the horizon. He watches the trees pass as they walk back to Hinata’s apartment.

“I know I look awful, but I just want things to be how they were before.”

“I think things will get better.” Kageyama watches children run around with smiling parents in tow. “People will adjust and move on. Some may take longer than others, but things will even out.”

“You think so?” Hinata sounds oh-so hopeful and it pulls on Kageyama’s heart again.

“Yeah.” Kageyama finally looks to Hinata and it’s like looking to the sun as he falls.

It’s surprising to see Hinata sitting cross-legged on the balcony at six in the morning. He’s got his back to Kageyama, but even then the setter can tell that disturbing him wouldn’t be a good idea. So instead, he jots down a quick note on Hinata’s whiteboard calendar hanging on a cabinet door.

“Was yesterday fun?” Hinata hands Kageyama a plate, “Oh go ahead and help yourself. I ate while you were gone.”

“Thank you, and yeah. It was nice to play with everyone again.”

“Have you gone soft?” Hinata looks surprised.

“I guess I have a little.” Kageyama shrugs, sitting down at the bar. “Thank you for the food.”

Hinata shakes his head and smiles as red rises into his cheeks, “No biggie.”

The faucet squeaks slightly as the water cuts off and Kageyama takes a moment to wring out his hair, watching the water fall onto the shower’s floor. He steps out and wraps a towel around himself, taking a washcloth to rub at his hair. He looks to the counter for his clothes and begins to dress.

The sound of clattering plastic catches Kageyama’s attention. He looks over by the door and a white cap is sitting on the floor. The setter picks it up and places it back onto the counter, noticing an orange medication container sitting by the sink. Kageyama picks it up:

_ Fluoxetine _


	3. Friend

“So how long are you here for?” Daichi asks as he and the rest of the team manage to fit into a circle booth at some restaurant. The room is warm and it’s even warmer sitting under the hanging light fixture, so Kageyama blames that on his flushed look instead of Hinata’s warm hand on his thigh.

“Tomorrow morning. I’ve got to go back for morning practice.”

“Damn. Too bad you couldn’t have stayed longer.”

Kageyama shrugs, “It’s ok, I’ll be back soon anyways.” 

Daichi nods and the conversation lulls to a comfortable silence, the setter chewing slowly and looking around the table. He sees Tanaka and Nishinoya laughing about something and Hinata smiling at Yamaguchi while Tsukishima frowns.

Hinata looks like a living fire, bright under the lights and his face flushed slightly. He’s smiling and talking animatedly, waving his hand everywhere and hardly taking a moment to breathe. The hand on Kageyama’s thigh feels like a brand as it sears itself into the setter’s skin. He can feel the other’s calluses and once again wonders what Hinata has been doing. He can also feel the heat that radiates off Hinata like a space heater making the space between pleasantly warm.

“Kageyama!” Hinata is looking at the setter with a grin and an open expression, eyebrows relaxed and an easy flush.

“What?”

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” Kageyama sips at his beer, only half-finished even though they’ve been here for at least an hour-and-a-half.

“Playing with Ushijima-san! What’s he like?”

“He’s the same as high school, except slightly taller and more powerful. He’s just standoff-ish.”

“What? No fun, I thought he’d at least be more… I dunno, energetic.” Hinata obviously looks upset, frowning and with pinched eyebrows. Although the scars still throw Kageyama off a little, since this is practically the same expression Hinata would have after a slight disappointment. 

“Eh,” the setter shrugs, “He’s good and it doesn’t affect his playing. Truthfully, he’s there to play, not to make friends.”

Hinata frowns further, “But you get to play with him and Korai!”

It surprises Kageyama that Hinata even remembers the white-haired spiker. “Still.”

It’s quiet as the two walk back to Hinata’s apartment. The breeze is blowing and it’s warm, unlike the blazing heat of the day. 

“Kageyama.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re leaving tomorrow morning right?”

“Yeah.”

“What time?”

“Eight.”

“Ok.”

Hinata sounds tired, voice heavy with exhaustion. He sounds a little disappointed too, like he wants Kageyama to stay just a little longer. It makes the setter think back to the bottle of pills sitting on the bathroom sink.

“Kageyama?” Hinata is standing at the balcony door with a plate of breakfast in one hand and the other sitting on the door’s handle. There’s no wind but it’s not as hot because the sky is gray instead of blue.

“Yeah?” The setter doesn’t turn around.

“I’ve got breakfast for you.”

Kageyama turns and takes the plate, “Thank you.” He picks up the chopsticks sitting on the edge of the plate and takes a bite.

“It’s six-forty five.”

“Ok. I’ve got time.”

“Time for what?” Hinata tilts his head like a confused puppy.

“Time to ask where you’ve been for the past few years.”

“Ah.” Hinata rubs the back of his neck and sighs, gesturing for Kageyama to follow him back inside. The two settle on the couch side-by-side and Hinata looks away, out towards the balcony.

“I joined Operation Ocean Shield.” 

“You what?!” Kageyama chokes.

Hinata frowns slightly, slapping Kageyama’s back a few times. When Kageyama finally catches his breath Hinata continues. “Yeah, I know. But I didn’t really have much of a choice. I just… did it to please my family.” He sounds tired even though it’s only six-fifty in the morning.

“I didn’t know your family didn’t support your volleyball career.”

“Me neither until after graduation.”

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama feels guilty. He never knew that Hinata’s parents forced him to go. It makes him angry, especially after yesterday. Seeing him still be able to hit their freak quick, it’s upsetting.

“Meh, I got over it. But now that I look like this,” Hinata gestures to himself. “They feel guilty. But it’s not like they could’ve known I would have to fight pirates.”

“Fight pirates? What’s Operation Ocean Shield about?”

“It was about protecting places from pirates. I only did it for a year-or-so.”

“Still! That’s insane.”

That makes Hinata smile, wide and appreciative. “It was but I wouldn’t want to exchange it for anything.”

“Make sure you come back soon.” Daichi grins, hand on his hips. “Suga’s class wants to meet you.”

“I will. I’ll text you guys.”

“Better come back.” Hinata says, eyes bright and challenging. “I’ll be waiting.”

Kageyama grins too, “Don’t worry, I will.”

“How was your weekend? Did the alumni game go well?” Ushijima asks as he and Kageyama stretch for their practice. The hitter’s face is perfectly neutral and is obviously only talking to Kageyama to fulfill the social quota of asking someone you know how their weekend was. 

“Yeah, it did. Hinata was there and he could still hit our quick.”

 _That_ makes Ushijima smile and a competitive look cross his face, still looking just as scary as he did in high school. Pride fills Kageyama as he was the reason that Ushijima reacts like that, watching as the other schools his expression again.

 _“How was morning practice?”_ Hinata sounds like he’s moving around, the sounds of rustling fabric and tapping feet give it away.

“It went well. Everyone was there and we practiced a new strategy.”

 _“What kind of strategy?”_ Something drops on the floor and Hinata swears, making Kageyama blink in surprise.

“You uh, just have to come and find out.”

Hinata huffs but doesn’t complain, as younger Hinata would’ve. Old Hinata might’ve done it with a whine, begging Kageyama to spill and not make it such a big secret, causing the setter to be even more secretive. The whole cycle would repeat until someone intervened, like Daichi, or Hinata getting distracted by something, most likely from Nishinoya. It makes Kageyama nostalgic.

“When am I gonna meet one of your friends from Operation Ocean Shield?” Kageyama is on the phone more-often-than-not now that he and Hinata are talking again. It's not like Kageyama wasn’t allowed to talk to the other, it’s just that he felt weird doing it considering that Hinata never actually told him what he was doing after graduation. There were brief mentions of going to the beach to train for a pro career, but conversations like those were far-and-few-between.

Hinata laughs, _“Not anytime soon.”_

“Huh?! What makes you so sure?”

_“Just because they’re all busy.”_

“Busy doing what?”

_“Work.”_

It makes Kageyama’s skin crawl hearing how fast Hinata’s tone changed. It was joking then it suddenly becoming closed off and defensive.

_“Sorry.”_

“For what?” Kageyama huffs, but he just wants to move on, they’ll address that later.

The next time Kageyama can go back to Miyagi is almost two months later and really is by accident, the Adlers’ coach and captain got sick and the team is suddenly handed a free weekend. The first thing the setter does is book the earliest train ticket at five the next morning and not text Hinata, intending to surprise the other.

The next morning when the train arrives at the Miyagi station, Kageyama walks to Hinata’s apartment. The cool air helping keep the setter awake. When he gets to Hinata’s apartment building he buzzes the other, knowing the other will be up.

_“Hello? Who’s this?”_

“Dumbass, who do you think will visit at eight in the fuckin’ morning?”

_“Kageyama?!”_

“No, this is Ushijima-san.” Kageyama tries in his best impression.

Hinata laughs, the sound a bit distorted through the speaker. But even still Kageyama can hear the ginger taking deep breaths and laughing like that was genuinely the funniest thing he’s heard in years.

_“I’ll let you in.”_

Kageyama was pleasantly surprised to see another man standing in Hinata’s kitchen when he walks in through the door. He’s standing at the stove with a look of genuine surprise, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, and his lips slightly parted.

“Ah! Sorry! I didn’t tell either of you that the other was here!”

The setter snaps out of his surprise and smiles, “It’s ok,” he bows slightly, “I’m Kageyama, Hinata’s high school friend.”

“Ah, I’m Naomi. Hinata’s friend from Ocean Shield.”


	4. Smiling

“What position did you play?” Naomi is still new to volleyball, having picked it up from Hinata during their time out at sea. He’s still unsure about a lot of things, but enjoys learning about it and watching games, both new and old.

“I’m a setter.”

“He’s the coolest setter ever!”

Naomi chuckles at Hinata’s outburst and smiles, “The setter is the person who set up attacks and tosses the ball, right?”

“Yep. It’s basically the control tower.”

Hinata nods enthusiastically and it makes Kageyama smile too, watching the other’s bright orange hair bob about in the air. Hinata’s hair floats like fire being whisked into the air or like embers being swept away in the wind.

“So, what is it like being in Division one?” Naomi is fidgeting with his chopsticks, the three of them just finished dinner. Hinata went to the restroom and it’s just Kageyama and Naomi. The sound of tapping is irking Kageyama, but he isn’t one to dismiss nervous habits like an asshole.

“Honestly? It’s hard.” Kageyama takes a sip from his water, “but I still love it.” He doesn’t just love it, sometimes he hates it. Hates it with every inch of his being, hates it with every muscle fiber that’s been pushed to its limit.

“I get it. When I was rowing I felt the same.” Naomi suddenly looks very sharp-eyed, like an eagle locking onto prey. Just a moment ago the other looked a bit drowsy, full from a good meal.

“What’s rowing like?”

“Hard.” Naomi chuckles, “but it’s great and I miss it dearly.”

Kageyama must look confused as Naomi clears his throat and tries in a normal voice, “Accident. It was career ending.”

The setter clicks his tongue quietly, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s really what led me to Hinata.”

“You called?” Hinata plops himself at the table, back from the restroom.

“I was just telling Kageyama about rowing.”

“Oh it’s so cool! Everyone is so tall and you push as hard as you can to move the boat and it looks awesome when you take the boat out of the water!”

Hinata’s excited rant seems to have lifted the dense atmosphere from earlier, making Naomi smile.

“Can we watch one of your races?” Hinata turns to Kageyama, “It’s so cool!”

“Sure, I have one of my last ones here on my phone.”

Watching the rowers push and pull in time and seeing the sweat drip off their faces really reminds Kageyama of Karasuno’s trips to nationals. Seeing the other team’s faces through the net and knowing you look just as tired, there was some sort of quiet solidarity. While rowing is anything but similar to volleyball there’s the same atmosphere that surrounds the boats. Seeing other teams, other rowers, pushing as hard as you are, it makes you want to do more. Kageyama smiles.

“Later Naomi!” Hinata waves as he closes the door. Hinata turns to Kageyama and laughs, “I still can’t get used to you smiling!”

“What?!” Kageyama frowns, watching Hinata have to brace himself on his arms as he continues to laugh.

When Hinata finally calms down and wipes his eyes he stands and grins, “You used to be  _ terrible _ at smiling! It looked more like grimacing or you were scheming something awful.”

“It did not.” Kageyama huffs and crosses his arms.

“It did so!” Hinata whips out his phone and scrolls for a solid ten seconds before handing the phone off to the setter.

Lo-and-behold it’s Kageyama ‘smiling’ in his jersey. It looks post-practice and Kageyama’s ‘smile’ does need work, his teeth are slightly exposed and the corners are pulled up too high, giving the expression an unnerving feel. 

The setter simply returns the phone with a huff, making Hinata laugh a little. “See?! I told you so!”

Kageyama smiles, conceding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all i have unfortunately, im jam-packed this week because of exams. hopefully my creative flow will return after this mess


	5. Lightning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick fyi, there's an artsy mention of blood at the end of the first section

There’s a lot of lightning. Bright lights dancing across the sky in a blinding performance, possibly ending with a ship on fire and an injured crew. Hinata’s ship, _Asagiri,_ sways with the waves, being pushed by the roaring water. His captain is southing something and he reacts without really hearing it, the storm sweeps the words away.

Hinata readies his handgun and tucks it into its holster. There’s more shouting and suddenly he’s at the bow of _Asagiri_ and readying a motorboat. He gets in and is sent off to another boat a ways away.

The waves are so much louder on this boat. It’s much smaller but its new ‘crew’ are armed to the teeth. Hinata watches a pirate patrol pass by his hiding spot, and his leader nods. Hinata leaps out and swings his handgun, using the magazine to hit the pirate on the bottom side of his chin, knocking him out. The man falls and Hinata catches him, preventing noise.

The group moves forward and the leader signals for a split-up. They separate and Hinata moves away with another.

The two move below deck. They’re looking for the original crew of the ship. Below deck, the swaying is worse but there’s no sound that’s any different from an aging ship. There’s a scuffling and Hinata spins, gun up.

“Go!” There’s a sharp pop. Or maybe a deep boom. But there’s red.

_Where did the red come from?_

“Shoyo!” 

Kageyama looks pale and worried. He’s gripping Hinata’s shoulders tightly and shaking him. He awoke to Hinata calling out orders that don’t make sense and shouting someone’s name he doesn’t know.

“What?” Hinata’s eyes finally open and he sees a worried Kageyama. “What happened?” The other finally eases his grip on Hinata’s shoulders.

“You were shouting things and calling someone’s name.”

Hinata freezes and can hear Kageyama’s breathing is ragged. He can feel his hands are shaking as they rest on his shoulders. He looks into the other's eyes and sees fear. “It’s nothing. Just some old stuff, from when I was in service.”

“That didn’t sound like nothing.”

The light is suddenly turned on and Hinata practically hisses. He goes to flick the switch off but a hand stops him. “It’s six-am. Let’s eat.”

Kageyama shifts a little, feeling uncomfortable. He remembers his middle school days when he sat with his teammates, but the conversations simply drifted by him. They weren’t to him, or for him. It wasn’t uncomfortable. But sitting in awkward silence with Hinata is heart-wrenching and a bit painful.

“Sorry that I woke you up.”

“It’s nothing, really. I just want to know what happened.”

“I’d rather not say.”

“Can you at least tell me _why_ you can’t say?”

“I just don’t want people to pity me. If I tell them, I’ll suddenly be treated like a little kid who can’t do anything.”

Kageyama sighs, “You know none of us would treat you like that. We all know how hard you work, and continue to work.”

“I’m just afraid, you know? I don’t even want the possibility of that to be a thing.”

“And it won’t be. At least with me.”

Hinata suddenly looks up from his food, making Kageyama jump slightly. He stares into Kageyama’s eyes and comes to some sort of conclusion because just as suddenly, Hinata presses his foot on top of the setter’s.

“Ok. I’ll tell you on one condition.”

“What’s the condition?” The setter feels anticipation building. 

“I can only tell you in person. So that means either come here, or I go to your place. No over the phone stuff.”

“Done.” Kageyama brings his other foot to press onto Hinata’s opposite foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back bitches! jesus these past few weeks? months? have been a whole-ass rollercoaster. i've been inundated with school switching to online and wowie has that ALSO been a giant pain. i've always intended to return to this, it's basically my only child that has NOTHING to do with school. anyways, it's good to be back :)


	6. Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> worldstar money

The two have moved to the couch, leaving their dishes in the sink. The room is bathed in light from the sun, as if the sun itself is shedding light onto Hinata’s past. It makes Kageyama feel warmer, feeling the light press onto his skin. Hinata is looking out towards the balcony and he sighs.

“Ok.” The former soldier turns to the setter and purses his lips. “Ready?”

The setter nods and turns his body to be facing the other, showing his attentiveness. 

“There was a wild storm. It was pretty bad and it was making our ship, the  _ Asagiri,  _ sway a lot. What we did for Ocean Shield was to protect coastlines and individual ships from pirates. So that’s what I was sent out to do that night. We were supposed to rescue a crew that was being held hostage. So, we infiltrated the other ship. I was with three other people under one leader. When we boarded the ship I knocked someone out and we split up into teams of two. Me and-” Hinata chokes. He buries his head in his hands and Kageyama simply puts his hand on the other’s shoulder as he cries, averting his eyes.

“I killed him, Kageyama.” Hinata is sobbing, tears slipping between his fingers and hitting the floor and sliding down his arms. “I got him killed.”

Kageyama’s heart  _ hurts _ . He sighs and rubs Hinata’s shoulder. “I refuse to believe that.”

“What?”

The setter finally looks at Hinata after he started crying and he feels his heart snap. Hinata’s eyes are red and his face is wet with tears, he looks like he’s in pain. Like he’s been grieving for his whole life. Like he’s Atlas holding up the sky, bearing the weight of a thousand stars.

“You couldn’t have killed him.”

“I did though. I wasn’t fast enough to save him.”

“Hinata.  _ Shoyo. _ ” Kageyama takes a deep breath. “Life isn’t like a volleyball game. Where speed can save a game, can save a point. Sometimes, even the fastest person can’t stop something from happening.”

Hinata is silent. Tears still slid down his face and Kageyama scoops up the other in a hug. The former soldier simply lets it happen, gripping the setter’s shirt tightly. The sun has risen more and it’s pressing into Kageyama’s eyes as he fights the urge to cry. He desperately wants to be like the sun, warm and comforting and always there. No matter what.


	7. Because

“Sorry for crying on you earlier.

The two are back sitting on the couch, but hours have passed and the balcony door is open. The sun is now high and the sky has cleared. There’s even an occasional breeze that manages to pass though.

“It’s alright. Really.” Kageyama smiles and Hinata shakily returns it. “Here.” The setter pulls the other’s hand, bringing him to stand. “Let’s go for a run, or pass a ball, or something else than just sit here.”

“Ok, let’s jog to the gym. I’ll bring my ball.”

“Oh, you meant Karasuno’s gym.” The setter breathes, taking a swing of water. He sighs as he pulls his leg back, feeling the muscles tighten then loosen slightly.

“Well yeah. Where do you think I meant?”

“Not sure. But we’re here so we might as well.”

“Sure!” Hinata pulls out a rough-looking volleyball and tosses it to Kageyama, who inspects it.

Kageyama turns the ball around a couple times, looking at all the details. “How old is this ball?” He bumps it back to Hinata, letting it arch high.

“Old. A lot older than I’d like to admit.” The former soldier laughs, “It’s at least from late middle school, which feels like a lifetime ago.” He’s bumped the ball back and Kageyama smiles.

“Thought I heard some familiar voices.”

Kuroo and Kenma round the corner, the black-haired man smiling widely and Kenma buried in his phone. 

“What are you two doing here? It’s a long way from Tokyo.” Hinata takes a ball to the face and falls, caught off guard by Kuroo and Kenma’s appearance. He scrambles to stand again and Kenma finally looks up from his phone.

“Shoyo?” Kenma is surprised, eyebrows raised and eyes wide.

“Kenma! How are you? How’s Bouncing Ball?”

“Ah! It’s good.”

“Wow, Kenma caught off guard. Don’t get to see that everyday.” Kuroo grins and pats the other on the back. 

“You didn’t answer my question. Why’re you here?” Kageyama walks over and picks up the volleyball he and Hinata were just passing, holding it to his hip.

“Ah right. We’re here visiting Tsukki!”

“Tsukishima? That jerk? What for?”

“Me!” Kuroo points at himself with a thumb. “This was our rendezvous.”

“I didn’t know you were back, Shoyo.”

“Oh! Yeah, I didn’t tell too many people. I had some… complications coming home. I didn’t want to stress people out.”

“Hm I get it.”

“The freak duo,  _ and _ the alley cats. What a surprise.”

“Tsukki!” Kuroo rushes over to the other and grabs his arm. “I didn’t know your little crow friend came back.”

“Yeah well, we didn’t either until he came busting in at our alumni game.”

“Oh?” Kuroo eyebrows are raised and Hinata looks away, nervously tapping his thigh.

Kageyama sighs, “Well, we’ve got to keep going on our jog. It was nice to see you guys.”

“Oh right! It was nice to see you Kenma!” Hinata says as he and Kageyama leave.

Hinata sighs as he steps into the apartment. He slides his shoes off, Kageyama going the same. “Thanks for the save back there. I really didn’t want to explain everything in front of Kuroo  _ and _ Tsukishima.”

“But not Kenma?”

“No, he’s really understanding. So I wouldn’t mind telling him.”

The setter frowns slightly as he opens a cabinet and pulls out two glasses, passing one to Hinata. “But Tsukishima did bring up a good point. Why didn’t you contact anyone from Karasuno? Why just me?”

The other doesn’t reply right away as he fills his glass with water and ice. He takes a few large gulps and sighs. “I’m not really sure myself. I think it’s because you and I had done so much together, I just figured it’d be easier to just… jump back in. Be the way we were before.”

“But I didn’t realize that you’ve changed a lot too. You’re kinder, but just as insufferable sometimes.” Hinata smiles at his glass before turning to the setter with that same soft smile, making the other’s face flush.

“But yeah, Tsukishima is right. I really should've explained to everyone what happened.”

“You don’t have to though. It’s really your business.”

“I know, but still. I feel guilty for just, showing up at the alumni game without really saying anything. I only told you.” Hinata gulps more of his water, “And you’re the only other person other than my uh-” he chuckles awkwardly, “my therapist and my doctor about my nightmare.”

Kageyama hums, “I get it. It’s an awkward thing to talk about, especially to people you haven’t seen in years.”

“You-you don’t care? That I’ve been to a therapist?”

“Hell no!” the setter slams his hand down on the counter to emphasize his point, “I’m not that conservative! And I’ve learned a lot from being on the National Team.”

The former soldier laughs nervously, “That’s good!”

“No need to be nervous, Hinata. I’m being serious. I don’t care that you’ve been keeping everyone in the dark, or have been to a therapist. You’re still you and that’s what matters.”


	8. Comment

Hinata passes Kageyama a bowl and a pair of chopsticks. “When are you leaving?”

“Right after dinner. It’s one of the last trains back.”

“Ah. Well, text me when you get back ok?”

“Will do. Mom.” Kageyama laughs.

The former soldier’s face flushes, “I am not! I just wanna make sure you’re home.”

“It’s ok! I’ll text you. Promise.”

“Don’t be a stranger. Ok?” 

The setter smiles, “I won’t. But that goes for you too. You can call me whenever, I just might not always pick up right away.”

“Since when were you this considerate?” Hinata asks, hands on his hips.

“Recently, I guess. I want to make up for the fact that I was selfish in middle school, and an asshole in high school.”

“And that volleyball is a team sport?”

Kageyama laughs, “And that volleyball is a team sport.” There’s a quick crackle of static as the announcements call for boarding. “I’ll text you when I’m back.”

The two wave at each other as the doors close and Hinata stays on the platform until he can no longer see the train’s tail lights.

The setter huffs as he puts the ball up for Hoshiumi, hearing it land on the other side of the court with a boom and a moment of silence as the other team blinks away their surprise. He pumps a fist and the spiker grins at Kageyama. “Great set!”

The practice match continues a little longer like that, until the other team finally warms up and begins to return the Addlers with their own ferocity. In the end, the Addlers won, but only because the opposite team couldn’t figure out how to receive Ushijima’s left-handedness. It makes the setter think back to Nishinoya. Where was he nowadays? He only took a few tries to get a clean receive; it was awe-inspiring.

“That was a good practice match. Hopefully, you all found something to work on next practice, yes?”

“Yes!” The team replies before bustling off to clean the gym. 

As Kageyama pushes the mop across the floor another member from their opposing team walks up to him and smiles, “Kageyama-san, right?”

“Yes, Nakamura-san?”

“I just wanted to ask you about your team’s roster.”

“What about it? It’s on the internet.”

“Well, I just really wanted to ask about your little middle blocker from Karasuno.”

The setter feigns disinterest, “Oh? What about him?”

“How come he didn’t join a vleague team? He just seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth after he graduated.”

At this point, both Hoshiumi and Ushijima have begun listening in to Kageyama’s conversation, curious themselves. The two share a look and keep cleaning, but continue to listen. They can even see Kageyama’s frown, instilling even more questions.

“He just had other things to do, I suppose.”

“You suppose?”

“I do, yes. It is disappointing that he didn’t join a team, but it’s really his choice.”

“I guess you’re right. I wanted to see him in action, watching him on TV just doesn’t seem to do him justice.”

“No, it doesn’t. I was honored that he accepted any toss of mine, it showed me true dedication.”

“Too bad he wasn’t too dedicated to you.”

Kageyama bites his tongue. Hoshiumi and Ushijima both cringe slightly, the remark obviously meant to do harm. Maybe even cause a fight.

“Too bad indeed.”

“Damn! You handled that guy’s insult like a champ!” Hoshiumi says as he pulls his stuff from his locker.

“I’d have to agree, it was quite a backhanded comment.”

“You guys were listening?!” The setter whirls around to a sheepish Hoshiumi and an indifferent Ushijima. “Why?” He drops his phone in his pocket and pulls out his practice shirt.

“We were curious too, duh!” The white-haired spiker says, Ushijima nods. “We would also like to know.”

“It’s really not my business.” The setter zips his back and slings it over his shoulder.

“What’s not your business?”

Everyone turns to see Hinata standing at the locker room door with a smile on his face.

“Idiot! I told you to text me!”

“And I did! But you were the one who didn’t answer!”

“Hinata!” Hoshiumi bounds over and grins. “I didn’t know you were in town!”

“Well, it was more of an impulse. I felt like going somewhere. So where else than here?”

“It was surprising to see you. How are you?” Ushijima asks as his eyes study Hinata’s appearance in street clothes and his scars.

“I’m alright! How about you two? Anything new in the vleague?”

“Not really.”

Hoshiumi snaps his fingers, “Oh! I know!” He smiles up as Ushijima, “We should all go out and have a bite to eat!” Ushijima nods.

“I’m down! Kageyama?”

“Sure.”

“It’s nice to go out every once-in-a-while.” Hinata sighs contently as he settles in his seat.

“Do you not go out that often?” Give it Ushijima to ask bluntly.

“No, not really. I’m busy in my own weird way.”

“Doing what?” Hoshiumi leans over the table slightly, obviously excited to have Hinata back in his life.

“Odds-and-ends. I work from home doing analysis work.”

“That sounds so cool! What are you analyzing?”

“Beach Volleyball games, actually.”

“What?! That’s awesome! I’ve always wanted to try!”

“It's tough actually.” Hinata laughs, “I definitely had a hard time at least.”

Ushijima looks surprised, which is a first for Kageyama since joining the Addlers. “You’ve played beach? What’s it like?”

“The sand inhibits your movements. It keeps you from jumping your fullest. And! There are different rules for feints.”

“You’ve gotta teach me! We could kick ass!”

Kageyama can’t keep the smile from tugging at the corner of his lips, “I’m glad you could play. I didn’t think you would.”

“Me too! I wasn’t too sure, but I’m happy I decided too!”

“Wait! Kageyama, you knew Hinata would go to beach? Since when?”

“Well, I didn’t know a hundred-percent. Hinata mentioned it in passing in our third year, but I haven’t heard it again until just now.”

Hoshiumi’s eyes light up, “Oh! Kageyama defended your honor today!”

“What?” Hinata turns to Kageyama. 

“Ah. Some guy we practiced against today was disappointed that you didn’t come to the vleague and said you weren't dedicated because of that.”

“He was super rude about it too!”

“It was an aggravated comment.”

“Well, thanks Bake-yama. I owe you one!”

Kageyama blushes at Hinata’s sudden sincerity. “It was no problem.”

“See you guys! It was nice having dinner!” The former soldier waves as Hoshiumi and Ushijima walk away. Kageyama watches with amused eyes.

“That was nice. It made me miss volleyball more.”

“Why not come back?”

“I - I don’t know. I guess I’m scared that I’m no longer wanted. Or that I’ve fallen behind. It has been a while since I’ve played.”

“I don’t think that matters. Teams will still want you. You were famous in high school.”

“But as your puppet.”

“True, but wouldn't it be great to just shove that back in everyone’s face? Show that you don’t need me? Honestly-” Kageyama looks to Hinata and grins, “You never really needed me. I think I needed you more than anything else.”

“What? How did you get to that conclusion?”

“You were the one who shouted at me, who argued with me when no one else would so openly. You pushed me to be a team player. You helped me finally realize that I’m playing a goddamn  _ team sport _ .”

“That’s true. But you helped me reach my potential no one else could see.”

“Then we helped each other.”

Hinata smiles up at Kageyama, all open and honest. It makes the setter’s heart beat faster “We really did.” 

“So what’re you doing here?” The setter drops his bag by his bedroom door and drops himself onto the couch with a huff. Hinata looks around the living room, inspecting some family pictures. “You did kinda show up randomly.”

“I wanted to see you of course! I was hoping to see you play, but I came too late.”

“You came all this way to see me play?”

Hinata nods, his hair swishing about looking like a fire. “Of course, you’re my partner and you’re still good.” Kageyama flushes again.

“How’d you even know that we had a practice match?”

“It’s online.”

“Oh.”

Hinata laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard recently. He’s bent at the waist and has to support himself on the couch’s armrest. Kageyama joins in and he feels lighter than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, i wasn't expecting to be able to write and post a chapter almost every day recently and it's a bit surprising. but it's really nice :)


	9. Familiarty

Waking up the next morning, the setter was not prepared to see Hinata sitting on his couch with his eyes closed and breathing so loud that Kageyama could hear it in the kitchen. He watches the other for a bit, letting his eyes trace his chest and arms. Hinata’s scars aren’t as obvious in the early morning light, but the ones on his face are still a little pink like they’re the most recent. But the setter doesn’t know the time-line of the soldier’s service and he frowns.

“Want to join me? It’s weird that you’re just standing there.”

The setter jolts not expecting Hinata to say anything, “Join you?”

“Yeah. I’m meditating, come sit.” His eyes are open and staring at Kageyama with some form of warm familiarity. He scoots over and pats the spot next to him. “All you have to do is breathe.”

“That’s it?” Kageyama straightens his back and sighs, closing his eyes.

“Yep. Just breathe and try to stay awake.” The other laughs, “I count my breaths and go slow, but feel free to go at your own pace.”

“Ok.”

The setter inhales with Hinata and decides to follow the soldier’s lead. He exhales and in some surreal way, he feels in-sync with Hinata just like how they were in high school. They don’t have to verbally communicate, they simply have to make eye contact and suddenly they’re sharing a mind. Although, Tsukishima would say that they share a single brain-cell. Kageyama exhales again, hearing his heartbeat in his ears and feeling it in his fingertips. He can even hear the birds outside as the world outside begins to wake up.

“Can I go to your practice?”

“Uh, probably?” Kageyama slips on his shoes and stands, “I’m sure you can just sit in the bleachers or off to the side somewhere.” He then slings his gym bag across his shoulder and turns to the soldier. “Ready?”

On the way to the gym the setter is hit with some kind of nostalgia akin to what he felt returning to Karasuno’s gym for the alumni game. He feels warm watching Hinata talk about something his friend said and smiles. It’s weird to feel close to someone he’s lost contact with for three years but he can’t find it in himself to feel self-conscious.

“Brought a friend. Kageyama-san?” Hirugami asks, gesturing to Hinata who’s chattering excitedly to Hoshiumi and making the motions of spiking a ball. “Yeah, he’s from my high scho-” Hirugami holds a hand up with a smile, “I know who he is. I just wasn’t expecting him to show up.”

“Right. Want him to sit anywhere specific?”

“Actually, yeah. With Suzaku-san.”

“I’ll tell him.” The setter jogs over to Hinata and Hoshiumi. “Hinata, my coach wants you to sit with him.” The former soldier looks at him with wide eyes and Kageyama is, once again, hit with a sense of familiarity.

“Really?!” 

“Yes! Why would I lie about something like that?”

“I mean, the high school you would’ve.”

“Please, that was _years_ ago!”

Hinata grins, “I know. I’m just teasing.” He practically skips over to Suzaku-san, the older man eagerly shaking his hand and Hinata simply looking excited to be there.

Hoshumi looks up to Kageyama, “You and Hinata are great friends.”

“We weren’t always. This is pretty recent.”

“What happened?”

The setter looks around the gym before letting his eyes settle on Hoshiumi’s face, eyes full of quiet curiosity. “I stopped being selfish.”


	10. Intertwined

“How are you Hinata-san? We were all wondering where you went after high school.”

The gym is now full of noise. The sound of shoes squeaking on the linoleum and the meeting of hands to leather. It makes the former soldier feel nostalgic and at home. He watches Kageyama and Ushijima pass a ball back and forth.

“I’m alright Suzaku-san. I’ve been hearing about that.” Hinata chuckles, albeit a little nervously. “My parents weren’t really into the whole volleyball thing and sent me off to do something else.”

The coach nods and turns to the gym, “Might I ask what this job was?”

“The military. Operation Ocean Shield.”

“I’m sorry about that, it must’ve been difficult. Did it at least turn out alright?”

“Well enough, got some bumps and bruises but it’s done.”

The other hums a contemplative sound, “Can you still play? Kageyama-san hasn’t told us anything.”

Hinata laughs and the coach smiles, “He’s always been stingy. But yeah, I can play. I even played some beach volleyball.”

“No wonder you’re so tan! Would you mind playing for a bit? I’m sure Kageyama would be ecstatic to set for you again.”

“Sure! I really do miss playing.” 

“I’d imagine. What do you do now?”

“I analyze beach volleyball games for players.”

“That’s impressive! I’ve always liked watching them.”

“Me too! I’m always happy to work with them.”

“Ok everyone listen up!” People stop what they’re doing and move to the bench where Hinata and coach Suzaku are standing. “We have a guest, Hinata-san, and he’s willing to play a few sets.”

Kageyama silently cheers while Hoshiumi jumps and high-fives Hinata, even Ushijima looks interested, giving his pre-game grin to the soldier.

“Sokolov-san, do you mind Hinata-san playing in your place briefly?”

“Not at all!” The middle blocker nods amicably to Hinata.

“Good. Also I’ve already picked teams so listen up.” The coach turns to Hinata, “Have fun, yeah?”

“You all warmed up? Pipsqueak.” 

“Sure am bean-pole!”

The two laugh and ready themselves as the whistle blows. Ushijima serves and Heiwajima bumps it cleanly to Kageyama, who knows Hinata is already in the air. He tosses the ball without really looking at the other and he hears skin meet leather before the ball flies to the other side of the court with a boom.

Everyone is stunned into silence and the two high-five.

“You little rat! Your jump is higher and you’re faster!”

“And you still know how to do the falling toss! And! You still sent the ball to me!”

“You’re ridiculous, when did you learn how to jump like that?” 

“While I was away.” Hinata’s hands are on his hips and he’s wearing a proud smile, “And playing on the beach of course!”

“That was a great game Hinata-san!” Coach Suzaku says as the soldier wipes his face. “I’ve never seen Kageyama-san and Ushijima-san that excited before.”

“You flatter me! I think Ushijima-san just wanted revenge on me though.” Hinata laughs.

“Revenge for what?”

“I blocked his spike once.”

“Well, it was more like a super close recieve.” Kageyama corrects, sipping from his water bottle. 

“Don’t gotta ruin my fun!”

The coach laughs, “You two have the same dynamic back from high school. What a great pair you guys are.”

The walk back is quiet. The sun is just beginning to set and it makes Kageyama feel content as he watches the light get caught in trees or Hinata’s hair. He’s acutely aware of the other’s presence at his side, skin prickling at the possibility of their arms brushing. But all the same, the setter is afraid. It’s always been more acceptable for women or girls to hold hands, but never guys.

“We’re probably thinking the same thing.”

The setter looks to Hinata, but he’s still looking ahead. “We always have.”

“We have.”

Kageyama loosens his shoulder, letting his arm swing a little more freely. He looks back to the sidewalk in front of him and quietly waits. Though he doesn’t have to wait long, soon he feels Hinata’s hand brush his. 

The walk back to the setter’s apartment is quiet, and right as they enter the apartment Kageyama and Hinata intertwine their fingers. Kageyama traces the Hinata’s knuckle, feeling the jagged skin.

“It’s always been the same thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> such a sappy ending!! thank you for reading! <3


End file.
